Running through the old scars

May 30, 2012

Dear Max

In three days’ time I’m leaving you (for the third time) to go run the Comrades. I’ve written a lot about running to you – how hard, rewarding, life-changing and painful it’s been for me.

It’s my 10th time making this journey and I hope to see that finish line in time and in tact. This year has been challenging physically and mentally, and I’ve had obstacles in trying to get over myself, my injuries and a waning interest in doing the long-distance thing.

Last week I met a guy I last saw when I was at school (trust me – a long time ago) and his jaw dropped when he heard I was running the big C. See, I was a bit wayward at school and I know I’ve written about being overweight, bunking PT, not being driven, and lacking in good self esteem. And as many people do, I changed, and almost rewired my brain/motivation/confidence, thanks to some positive influences, a great therapist and the intention to just do better in life.

And each kilometre I ever run, I think of that smoking teenager, and how full of angst and confusion she was. And I think of how I rewrote my script, and guided my own way despite having lacked guides in my own life for a large part. And I’m pretty proud, and while I’m not the first or last person to ever do anything cool or beyond expectations, I still smile every time I do something that I could never at one point conceive of.

Many people at Comrades share this story, and many in life do too. It’s proof that you can and need to be your own best cheerleader, compass, guide and coach, while taking as much help as possible from the outside.

While I run on Sunday, I will think of you, of the distance I’ve travelled, and of the people who helped me get there. And I’ll remember those who couldn’t be there, those whose legacies live on in that long 89km stretch, and to my gran, who believed in me before I ever knew what I could do.

I’ll see you when I’m back. And while my legs will be sore and I won’t be able to run around much, my arms will be so strong for hugs, lifts and throws.

xMom

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15 Comments

  • Cath

    *adore this post*

    May 30, 2012 at 8:15 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you, and for all the support ((((hugs)))))

      May 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm Reply
  • Brad Brown

    What an awesome post! I thought about you on my run yesterday and was wondering how you were feeling ahead of number 10. The thing I love most about Comrades is that it gives ordinary, everyday people the opportunity to do and be something great. Even if it is for just one day. I am in awe of how great you are. I too was an awkward teen with low self confidence and I am soooo grateful for what running has done for me. Thank you for the part you have played in my journey. All the best for Sunday, am sending tons of positive vibes. One day when I’m big I want to achieve something as great as you will achieve on Sunday!

    May 30, 2012 at 8:55 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      And to you too! You are one of my biggest heroes and inspirations, and I’ll be watching your tear-jerking video over and over. Hope to see you on the road… 🙂

      May 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm Reply
  • Kerry

    Sucn an inspiring post, thank you so much for sharing.

    May 30, 2012 at 9:34 am Reply
  • Karen at MomAgain@40

    Stunning! You inspire us! Best of wishes for NO 10!!

    May 30, 2012 at 10:41 am Reply
  • Nicky

    Love it Tan! All the best for Sunday!

    May 30, 2012 at 10:56 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks Nic, wish you were there…

      May 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm Reply
  • Rachel

    Such an inspiring post. It’s given me a lot to think about 🙂
    All the best for Sunday, will be watching Twitter and TV all day

    May 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you so much! Really appreciate it.

      May 30, 2012 at 1:04 pm Reply
  • NickiD

    Like I said to you on Whatsapp earlier “I think you’re amazing to do this! The kind of mental strength, even if you don’t feel “up to it”, to even CONSIDER doing it is incredible!” You’re an inspiration T, and Max will be so proud of all that you’ve achieved x

    May 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you for the support and pompoms 🙂

      May 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm Reply
  • Bronwynne

    This is awesome! One of your best posts, ever. X

    May 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you for the support… 🙂

      May 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm Reply
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